You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
