cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
