I'm really into asian looking animals
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This house was built for laser tag.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
