i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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