how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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