Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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