His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
