Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
