And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
