I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
