That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
