Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
