someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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