We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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