Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
