You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
