i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
