This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
