The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
