Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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