Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
