u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
