I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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