I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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