If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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