JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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