I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
