I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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