It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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