I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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