i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We're too hungover to prance.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
