I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
