Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
