my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
