Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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