somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
