I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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