At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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