woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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