Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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