He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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