Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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