so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
