I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
