yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
