I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
