he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
