sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
