I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
