smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
