Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
only if we run a train.
done.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
