Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
