chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
