Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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