You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
