I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
