We're like a lot better than the average bears
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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